I WAS coaching a group of new recruits, working to help them settle into their new roles and realise their responsibilities. Wide-eyed and impressionable, they were young and eager, but without a career blueprint or a clear sense of their organisation’s values, mission or vision.
I was asked to conduct an orientation – to discover motivation, match values, set direction, and formulate methods to measure results. “How much understanding do you have about what you’ve been engaged to do?” I asked.
“Think what’s important about your job, for you and for your company. How will you know whether you’re doing well or not?” was my next question.
“How does your contribution take your company’s performance to a higher level? And if you wanted to stay productive, effective and efficient, what are some of the attitudes you might want to manage, the habits you would practice, to protect your personal performance excellence?
“Now think about the things you’re passionate about… what you’re interested in, all that you’re really good at. Where, in your workplace, do you see opportunity to use your skills, gifts and talents?
“How specifically could you apply your uniqueness to your work – to create a niche position for yourself, so that in the shortest time, you could be recognised for that specialty? If this were the quickest way to add value to your team and your organisation, how would you introduce yourself?”
When you talk with managers or front-liners, do you generally get the impression that they’re switched on? They may have been trained, but one sure sign that leads me to doubt their quality and commitment is their inability to stay open and listen.
I mean really listen, in a way that allows them to understand and learn something from the customer or pipe into the client’s experience. Often they’re either too casual, defensive or resist by disengaging. Some are totally in their own world.
In our economy where business is personal because we usually do business with those we trust, and with whom we’re prepared to invest time with, I believe it’s fundamental to know how people think, don’t you?
How can we apply ourselves when we fail to recognise what drives and motivates our customer? How can we respond when we don’t know what the other person’s beliefs, concerns or intentions really are?
When we don’t pay attention… to tonality and other non-verbals, if we rush people through their apprehensiveness, when we talk over others, how will we learn their feelings, their thoughts, their needs, their values?
Many people zip around, buffered by a false sense-of-self, assuming what they perceive is real, believing they can steamroller over others and get away with it. An easy way to recognise one of these is by how we feel when we’re with them.
A common problem businesses face with their senior management is that many don’t “wear” their titles well. When self-image, or identity around roles or responsibility isn’t well-formed, performance suffers. They might be Senior VP, COO, CFO, or whatever, but because they don’t see themselves as resourceful or “authorised,” they do poorly when representing themselves and their organisation.
Lack of confidence can be observed by nervous gesturing, an almost apologetic demeanour. The energy they exude unnerves everyone.
In the new global economy, management is no longer perceived in terms of maintaining the business machine, but is seen as the motivator and leader of men and women.
The new buzzword is “Education For Life” whereas the “Job For Life” adage is outdated and obsolete. Those who fail to adapt, renew, and stay relevant will fumble and fall behind. To stay on top, we need passion to excel. I constantly ask myself “what type of (leader, mother, lover) am I? What do I want to achieve?
What results and other indicators will show me that I am doing well in supporting, encouraging, and inspiring others to get what they want and have what they need? And when they have that, what else could they then get, that they don’t already have? Wouldn’t I then be making an amazing contribution! That would be a great way to add value to the world, wouldn’t it? How then, would I want to think, feel, speak and behave, that would enable me to “be” so I… so that we… can “have?”
Mum’s too tired to cope
Q: I’m always losing my cool when I talk to my kids. My five-year-old never stops asking “why” and my 14-year-old is grumpy and anti-social. I’m already tired after work and then when I come home, I have to deal with everyone else’s needs, including the husband’s. I just want the wheel to slow down so that I can breathe a little.
A: Inhale. Exhale. And again. That’s right. I’m a working mother.
I believe any mother can relate to what you’re saying. But God didn’t make us mothers without first giving us special powers.
In women, He bestowed the gift of grace, patience, softness, tolerance, love, sacrifice, resilience, and many other special capabilities a man couldn’t even begin to understand.
It’s only for us to remember we have these, and engage with our powerful states.
Realising that there’s a direct connection between how kids feel and how they behave, what do you need to do to help them feel right?
Do you accept and respect your children’s feelings as true or do you generally work to redefine their reality?
This will confuse and enrage kids. This also teaches them to not recognise their feelings, and to not trust them.
This can become dangerous, as it trains our children to be other-referent, that is, to depend on others for their truth.
That you always lose your cool… what’s that about? It might be worth spending a moment to “wash away” and “step out of” your work-self and into your mummy costume five minutes after you get home.
This will leave you “clean” for parenting and also ready to play with daddy.
Binging on self-pity
Q: I’m 15kg overweight. I eat when I get restless or bored, or when I miss my boyfriend (he dumped me recently). When I eat I binge. I can’t control myself. I’m so lonely. I keep to myself because nobody likes a fat girl. I know this is self-pity, and then I eat because I’m worthless anyway.
A: Seems to me you’re trying to eat your feelings away.
Your coping mechanism for restlessness, boredom, loneliness is to binge. You cope by hurting your body. Does that work for you? You recognise self-pity and to that, you’ve added worthlessness. To what purpose?
Is the loss of that boyfriend so significant you’ve chosen to further damage your well-being, health and fitness? No man is worth that.
Close your eyes. Imagine that you’re filled with energy, vitality, good health and healing. Picture yourself happy, engaged in some activity, among people you like.
Say “I have only one body. I want to make my body last. I’ll do everything to protect my health and harmony. I say yes to health, yes to energy, yes to success”. So from now on, every time you think about, say or hear the word “yes” you will know that you’re going to be successful, worthwhile and well.
