I’ll Have Some of That!

I KNOW if I can influence, I can drive transformation. What is communication for, if not to exchange intelligence, persuade and negotiate?

No point talking if it doesn’t make us wiser or get us closer to what we want, right? We might as well conserve energy for something more useful.

Man: I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth.

Tess: Would you please stay there?

Man: You make me want to give myself to you.

Tess: I don’t accept cheap gifts.

Some guys persuade (coerce) using money, strength or authority. To get their way, they force, withhold, distort, and ignore. Always manipulative and often covert, they mean, “Do as I say, or else.”

Pay attention next time your man says, “Honey, you look great.” Mr Suave could be propositioning you, depending on what’s been happening at home! I’d tend to think he broke something.

People who can influence are special. We have the power to create enterprise – the infrastructure to generate income, results, solutions. Without master communicators, there’d be no innovation, no business development, no effective sales and marketing. Industry would virtually run aground.

Some people do it all wrong. They’re verbose and disconnected from their audience, making them irrelevant. We avoid a salesman for this reason.

It’s often our lack of ego-strength, our inability to decide for ourselves, our disease to please, that’s the problem. We scorn the salesman to escape our responsibility around making our own choices. Today, because the customer is educated, exposed and discerning, a good salesperson is defined as someone who helps prospects make good decisions.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could facilitate our clients to remember how good we are, if we could keep a powerfully positive image and message about us, and our product at the forefront of our clients’ mind all the time?

Wouldn’t it be great if our clients defended us and our services instead of questioning and doubting us when talking with others? How about virtually guaranteeing positive word of mouth marketing?

Here’s the thing. The truth isn’t the truth until people believe you, and they can’t believe you if they don’t know what you are saying, and they can’t know what you are saying if they don’t listen to you, and they won’t listen to you if you’re not interesting, and you won’t be interesting until you say things imaginatively and originally. Obviously very few people know how, or there wouldn’t be so many struggling experts and talents.

Luckily, now we have processes that enable us to strengthen our hand at having what we want, when we want.

Tip: When we know how to create images in our customer’s mind, when we help our clients create new pictures of what the future will look like using our products and services and if we get our prospects to imagine the experiences we want them to have with us, their acceptance of us, our products and services will increase.

In an increasingly convoluted market, being able to stand out is imperative. So many people I’ve coached face this same challenge... how to engage people, how to get management “buy in” and how to overcome that crucial step of converting prospects into clients.

Luckily, the solution is simple to learn. The most important lesson is: Learn to listen, know what to listen for – how to connect your product or service with your client’s beliefs and values – how to frame, reframe and future frame.

Imagine if you could communicate the value of your product or service everywhere, to everyone. Wow, wouldn’t that make you powerful!

Tip: What 10 things can you do in your business or profession where, if people didn’t take advantage of your product or service, unfavourable consequences would occur? Point out at least two possible futures for each one. Then ask your prospect to perform the specific behaviour you want.

Do you know much of our decision-making is subconscious? It’s often our conditioning, our habits or our past experiences that drive our choices. We seldom make decisions based on current fact. We decide emotionally and then use our intellect to rationalise our behaviour.

Wouldn’t it be fantastic to be able to influence so well that other people wouldn’t even think we were selling? I’ll have more information on how to do this in the coming weeks, so watch this space!

Needs and meanings

Q: According to you, “women keep shopping, men go bed hopping” because our lower needs drive us. Does that mean we should expect this behaviour and cope with it? That means all marriages are doomed. Are wives to expect infidelity? As a woman I refuse to be portrayed as an out-of-control shopaholic. How do we rise above to meet our higher needs then?

A: Someone certainly has been paying attention! Good for you. You asked the question “does that mean…?” So yes, we rise above through meaning. What does your marriage mean to you? What does marriage mean to the average man? Does it mean “ball and chain?” Does it mean life partner? Define that. Does it mean “exclusive life partner?”

We can’t be driven by our feelings, or we’d be all over the place. Why, I must feel at least 20 different emotions a day. And the mystery is that none of them define me.

So we must be driven by our intentions… what we want, what we want out of our life, what we want out of our day. Someone said most of us have the means, but lack meaning – therefore the endless shopping, the mindless sex, the useless gossiping and the needless eating. None of these enriches us. It only serves to lessen us as human beings.

We are driven by our needs and motivated by our meanings. When our meanings are rich enough, we can transcend most any circumstance. And when our meanings collide with our passion, talent and skill, magic and miracles happen for us.

Here we have our maximum performance, our optimal competence, our personal excellence. Mastery… genius happens in this space. Here, we’re so “high” we lose sense of time and space. Here, people say “I’m the zone, man. I’m in the zone.”

Living our fullest potential

Q: What’s the difference between empowerment and motivation? In my company, HR brings in motivational speakers to talk about increasing productivity and improving attitudes and such. Yours is personal excellence – something new? People talk about empowerment. What about dis-empowerment. What could dis-empower us, if we don’t pay attention?

A: To motivate is to give reason, to motive – to induce, incite, impel – others to take action.

Motivate: Something we do to people. It suggests an external force is in control.

Inspiration: To breathe into, to infuse – with encouragement, passion – to animate and stimulate with an idea or vision.

Empower: To enable, allow, authorise – so the person is fully commissioned to act on his or her own.

We are dis-empowered when we lose our ability to act to our best advantage or when we lose our resourcefulness e.g. when we jump to conclusions... when we think black or white when there are a million options in the grey area... when we blame others. This only shows we lack responsibility. When we “try” or think “should”, “must,” and “have to,” we give up our power to decide. We’re at our best if we “will” and we “want to.”