People First, Performance Now

THE lab reports were in. The prognosis was that Lily had cancer of the lungs, stomach and pancreas. In shock and utter disbelief, family and friends gathered at the hospital.

That night the mood was solemn, the air heavy. Tears were shed and prayers were said. Everyone exhausted and spent, the night soon passed.

Next morning, doctors sauntered into Lily’s room. They casually announced that their forecasts are wrong. They doubted that Lily had cancer after all.

Those lesions could be a variety of things, least of all, malignant. Emotions ran wild. Joy, elation, hope became anger, fury and rage. Imbeciles!

As the nurse administered the morphine I stood by helplessly. Although she’d braced herself, Lily doubled over in pain the moment the drug kicked in.

Then her body went limp, loose and relaxed. I exhaled in relief. I wondered if she truly believed she was cancer-free.

As I sat beside Lily, I lifted my eyes heavenward, grateful for my own health. The whole episode reinforced everything I already knew about perspective – how everything is understood, learned, and lived within beliefs and frames of reference, then confirmed by our senses.

Grumble the man who has no shoes, until he meets the man who has no feet.

My role as master frame-maker becomes clearer. To lead, I must work to raise your conscious awareness – enough for you to access fresh creativity and re-examine everything at a higher level.

I must facilitate your flexibility of choice so that you enjoy maximum options. Amidst chaos, I must still your mind to dissolve the chatter of your thoughts, allay your fears. This will simplify complexity and bring clarity. Transparency develops trust.

More trust = more participation. More ownership = more performance.

Irresponsible leaders often hypnotise us with their generalisations. Inaccurate, unaccountable, morally and ethically defunct, they think nothing of misleading or pre-judging. Some lie outrageously.

I wish people in powerful positions, like doctors, lawyers, market-movers and government officials would examine the impact of their words and actions.

I ask that they exercise compassion. It’s only when we walk in another’s shoes that we truly appreciate their challenges and motivations.

Compassion enables understanding, which leads to tolerance and inter-connectedness between people.

People First, Performance Now. To me, this is both a vision and a commitment. My understanding is, when we hold a vision we do so with steadfast purpose.

Unless we’re wishy-washy, we agree to cut away all distractions. To my mind, wise decisions serve the whole rather than the few. Such purpose requires great character. Like it or not, wherever we go, news of our character precedes us.

This much I’ll say about brand Malaysia.

Leadership demands personal excellence and self-mastery. A leader must empower others. Inspirational leaders command loyalty, as their qualities of clarity, integrity, and courage are attractive.

Are we there yet? We are the company we keep, so look around. Our external relationships reflect the one we’re having with ourselves. It’s that simple. It’s that obvious. With people, slow is fast because trust takes time.

Truth has a certain resonance. Unless people feel our authenticity, they’ll withhold. So performance depends on truth.

Do you realise that each one of us must participate if we are to actualise this vision? Whatever our position, we can profoundly influence others to perform better.

When we embody calmness, confidence, and certainty, when we accept and appreciate, instead of justify and defend, when we work decisively and with compassion, we can magnetise support from people around us.

People First. This means you and me before anything else. Are you aware that you and I together, are at the point of power where we can change our nation’s destiny? If we give our total attention to things, we can be deeply influential?

Performance Now. What do we care most deeply about? Do we have an agenda that serves others as well as ourselves?

Focus right, and we will enjoy more prosperity, vitality, happiness and well-being.

When we fully appreciate the value of what we do, we can make changes that truly fulfil us and empower others at the same time.

Wisdom is the quiet truth that stems from compassion, not the loud-mouthed arrogance that arises from knowledge. I doubt anyone has yet manipulated his way to heaven! So hold fast to your principles.

Don’t be easily swayed by the trivial and transient. Let’s stand together.

Stand up for what’s real and of lasting value – truth, equality, justice. Not for a select few, but for all.

Need for mum’s approval

Q: I’m 30, good job, good husband, good friends. But when I go home to mum, she picks on me, makes me feel like an underachiever. Since dad died, she’s worse. Why do I keep trying to gain mum’s approval?

A: So you feel you need your mother’s approval to feel okay about yourself? How has this held you back? How has this influenced who you’ve become? What did your mum and dad impress upon you in the early years?

Why not just skim past this and move on? You’re an adult now, and you know what you’re capable of. With healthy self-esteem, you know you don’t need to prove anything to anyone. I’m betting you’re centred enough to look past your mum’s gripes and see the positives.

If you can’t, it’s best you find answers to the questions. You might have a talk with your mum to tell her how her put downs affect you. She may not actually be aware about this. She may have issues of her own she needs to open up to you about. I think whatever comes is good, as long as you go into that conversation with a lot of understanding and acceptance. You may not get contriteness or an apology, but how can openness hurt?

Reading body language

Q: At a meeting, I was distracted by someone who was constantly rubbing the back of his neck. What does this mean? Is body language something we should learn to read people and master certain situations?

A: Maybe he had an itch. Or he was uncomfortable with what was being said. Or perhaps he wanted the attention of that cute secretary by the window.

The thing about body language — you know, when a girl dangles her slip-on shoes in front of a man, and gives him that “come hither” look, when a man breathes in and tucks in his stomach so his chest appears bigger than the average Joe’s — it all depends on what those actions mean to those people, doesn’t it?

In the girl’s case – her feet could’ve really been hurting because those sandals were too tight and all He-Man may’ve wanted to do was to ease his heartburn.

I don’t really think generalising about how people display their body parts is going to get you very far. This information is person and context-specific. So pay attention. Fresh eyes every time.