Start At The Top

IT’S a commonly described phenomenon — that as we draw our last breath, it’s the life we didn’t live, the money we didn’t spend, the nurturing things we wish we had said and the love we could’ve shown, that we regret most.

They say in our final moments, life plays itself out in the theatre of our mind and we weep as we cringe at our misses, loss of what could’ve, should’ve and would’ve been.

In The Bucket List, Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman are old men suffering incurable illnesses. Nicholson encourages Freeman to make a list of what he will do before he “kicks the bucket.” As they cross items off their lists, we come to a scene where Freeman asks his friend: Have you found true joy in your life? What joy has your life brought others?

Linda Ellis wrote the poem, Have You Lived Your Dash. There, she asks us to visualise the inscription on our tombstones and to pay attention to the between the year we were born and the year we pass.

How are you living your (-)? When was the last time you felt really excited to be alive? Are you confident your life will add up to something solid? Do you feel you are making a meaningful difference, living true to you? Or are you spending your (-) going through the motions, acting out someone else’s script?

It’s sobering to face the truth, isn’t it? Luckily truth stands forever.

1. While anger cannot sustain, love endures.

2. There are no constraints on the human mind, no walls around the human spirit, no barriers to our progress except those we ourselves erect.

3. I have my way, you have yours — as for the only way, no way!

I propose we recall the truth of who we are and free ourselves from other people’s stories.

I say choose mastery over misery. It’s time we let go of the stuff that’s been weighing us down. Drop the baggage... start 2010 at the top. Let’s go... 3-2-1... lift off!

Hello, I’m looking around and I don’t see too many of you. What gives? What’s that? You haven’t decided? Friends, nothing will happen until you decide. You may have great dreams and world-class strategies, but if you don’t take action, everything will remain the same. Non-decision takes the form of procrastination, lethargy, skepticism or confusion, opposite from the states that bring success — congruence, certainty, focus, intensity. Isn’t success what you want?

“I lack motivation. If I were motivated, I would have more energy to pursue my passion. Isn’t that what you do? Conduct motivational workshops?”

I feel my skin crawl as I gnash my teeth. Excuses, complaints, assumptions — I’m alert to the language of powerlessness. I’m not sure who is being discounted — they or me. The person is suggesting “motivation” is something one derives from external sources. They are assuming I go about “injecting” this motivation steroid into people, winding them up like Energizer bunnies.

Doesn’t that make me someone who serves the sick and needy? Are you it? No. You’re perfectly okay, just wanting more from life — natural stimulus of the human experience.

“What’s your motive?” I ask. Yes, it’s YOUR motive, what YOU want. It either takes you away from or leads you to something. Is your motive big enough to drive you towards your best life? If it isn’t then you might need someone to coach you in the right direction. Or be prepared to spend another year stuck.

The result will be a reflection of both you and me. Successful coaching leads to effective actions, but a client who doesn’t implement will not succeed.

The expert remembers: Our behaviour results from our state. So if we want peak performance, we must produce and maintain empowering, resourceful, enriching, energetic and inspiring peak states to ensure we make good things real in our life.

This year, and at the dawn of a brand new decade, I invite you to enjoy uplifting change, exhilarating personal and professional growth.

Why not challenge yourself to discover a higher state and then use this energy to transform yourself and others with certainty and conviction? I dare you to embrace excellence, to nurture it, cultivate it and make it your standard as you achieve a year that overflows with accomplishment and fulfillment.

Now time to dash!

Handling verbal abuse

Q. Sadly, everyone knows verbal abuse. Words hurt, despite the saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”. Verbal abuse causes depression, loss of confidence, suicide, and even murder. Besides confronting the abuser, what should one’s mindset and perspective be regarding this?

A: Depends on how you define verbal abuse. Some cannot even tolerate the slightest criticism. Any evaluation they don’t consider positive is viewed as a personal attack. These people lack the tools to respond, so they “take in” the information, and (sadly as you say) allow it to cause depression, loss of confidence etc.

In the film Matrix, Neo (new man) visits Morpheous (the transformer)

Morpheous: It seems you’re feeling a bit like Alice, tumbling down the rabbit hole. You know something is wrong with the world but you can’t explain. You feel it, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad.

Neo: The Matrix?

Morpheous: The world has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.

Neo: What truth?

Morpheous: That you were born into slavery, into a prison that you cannot see or smell... a prison of the mind.

The lesson is that life is an illusion. Unless we wake up to the truth of who we are, we will suffer disorientation, and experience “stuckness”.

Therefore it is crucial to protect our self-esteem, to honour our infinite and intrinsic value. Everything else doesn’t exist, unless of course, we allow it into our world.

Managing a passive aggressive

Q. I’m a manager and most unfortunately I have a “passive aggressive” reporting to me. This person must have had a bad upbringing as evidenced by the obvious display of arrogance and dislike towards people with authority. How do I make this person see reason and perform as a competent employee, and not lose my cool as I have been doing in the past?

A: A passive aggressive can’t frame collaboration, cooperation, synergy, sharing. This person cannot fathom that there is a gentler, more humane lifestyle. My approach would be to talk directly with them and say, “Look, here’s the thing. Things around here are going to be... I’d really like it if you would... I could use your support. Perhaps we both have different styles and I may have misunderstood you. I’m open to understanding if you would spend some time explaining what you want. Let’s see how we can work things out.”

They won’t change after one conversation. They’ll be testing you. It’s their nature to be suspicious. Of course you won’t buck and soon enough the change will kick in. Show plenty of acceptance and appreciation for their way. There’s got to be something that works for them. Usually protectionist behaviour that hurts them more than it affects others.